If He Says He Can’t Be in a Relationship, Don’t Try to Change His Mind

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As a person with commitment phobia, you cannot believe it is going well, you cannot believe someone can actually love you. I've read some of your articles and will still be reading the ones I haven't read. I guess the bad morality of just using someone, is accepted now as normal entitlement. Feeling unworthy of being loved Perhaps he only sees his flaws real or imagined and can't possibly understand how anyone could truly love him.

I really think the psycho ex has a lot to do with it. We do pda and we do call each other pet names, but we're just not exactly ready to totally commit until our issues get resolved. I don't want it to feel like an ultimatum.

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Why Do Some Men Have Commitment Issues. When thinking about the reasons why men have commitment issues, it's useful to look at the guy's past relationships with lovers, family members and friends. The experiences in these past relationships often affect future relationships, especially in the area of commitment. They may have felt strongly for someone, only for that person to love him back but then walk away or a person didn't care for him as deeply as he did and that caused deep hurt feelings. Fear of Changing His Ways Some men become comfortable in their lives and they don't like change. A man with this fear won't want to move on to a new stage in a relationship because that means a change in his life. While it may be better than the life he has now, he doesn't know for sure and that is what keeps him from moving forward. Fear of Failure Some men think committing themselves to a relationship means they must meet certain expectations. These men are usually perfectionists and don't want to enter into a situation in which they know they might not be able to excel. For this reason, they avoid commitment because they don't want to fail. Independence Many men grow up to think they don't need anyone for anything. They are expected to take care of themselves and not depend on anyone, especially a woman. While some men may view relationships as a way to care for someone else, others view it as having someone take care of them. This keeps these types of men from committing to someone. Inability to Share Life Some men have a huge commitment to the lives they have created for themselves. A man in this category may be highly successful and could have reached a level in his career that makes him financially secure. Some men are not willing to share this success in fear that their significant others will take advantage of them. Fear of an Identity Change Not only do men fear that their lives will change, they also fear their identities may change. Men have a certain image of what it means to be in a committed relationship or be married, and this image usually produces a certain type of person. If the man doesn't see himself as being that type of person, he is not willing to enter a committed when a guy says he has commitment issues due to the fear that he will become that type of person. Keeping Options Available Some people who are always looking for the next best thing will not commit because they don't want to close the door on other opportunities. They don't want to settle down because they always wonder if there is someone else better for them. Already Committed Men who have commitment issues in one relationship may have already committed themselves to someone else. If men who have problems with letting go of past relationships never really uncommit themselves, it makes it impossible for them to commit to someone else. What to Do About Your Man's Commitment Issues Men with commitment issues are afraid and many of them are unwilling to change. They are set in their ways and have lingering issues from past relationships. Discussing the reasons why they may have commitment issues can open the when a guy says he has commitment issues to explore ways to resolve the conflict they have inside themselves. If he is afraid his life will change dramatically, you can suggest that you try the next level of the relationship and see how it feels. If it's not comfortable for him, you can promise to go back to the way things are now. Chances are, the change in your relationship is not as bad as he anticipates and he may be surprised at how much better it is. Of course, practicing marriage is not as easy to do. If your man is unwilling to commit to marriage, you need to decide if you want to wait or move on to someone else. However, before you do decide, consider couple's therapy because it is a great way to explore his commitment issues and find resolutions in your relationship. Why do some men have commitment issues. The key to getting past the inability to commit is to find out which fear your man has and address it accordingly.

All too often you can see someone's inability to commit as a green light for you to go ahead and try to help him, to save him, to feel sorry for him and make him your project, to the detriment of your own beautiful self. Please give me some insight in regards to what the right thing is to do! But my heart kept stopping me. The only assurance you have is that you will be the first to know if he decides he's ready to commit to you. He would wine and dine girls and move at an extremely quick pace and treat them like they're his everything for the first month but once the topic of commitment comes up he disappears and hes off to a new girl. Aside from those daydreams of the two of you coupled up, he might have slowly become a fixed part of your routine. At the begining of the relationship I noticed he's not affectionate or very sexual at all, I had never been with a guy who was that way , if ever its usually been the opposite.